The general consensus seems to be that there isn’t much point becoming a rich, famous celeb if you’re not going to then use that status and wealth to act like the over-privileged child of an insane Middle-Eastern dictator; splitting your time as evenly as possible between attacking journalists and showing them your bejewelled genitals. However recently we have witnessed behaviour that is so staggering in its self-absorbed insanity that it would cause most super-villains to roll their eyes and declare it “a bit excessive”, here are some examples…
- Known For: That Face in the Home Alone Franchise ( and a dubious relationship with the Late Great MJ)
- Spiral Highlights: A couple of drug-related arrests, and a suspended jail sentence.
- Conclusion: Proving once and for all that it is possible to eclipse the yearly spending of a small country purely on cocaine and therapist bills
- Known For: Some actually pretty great movies, including Hot Shots and Ferris Buellers Day Off, amongst others.
- Spiral Highlights: That video in which he mad claims to being a ‘warlock’, possessing ‘Adonis DNA’ and having ‘Tiger Blood’. And something about winning. Lots and lots of winning.
- Conclusion: Sheen possesses a confidence which implies a level of social awareness and ability to understand human emotion roughly equal to an automated phone line or one of those robots that hoovers your floor for you..
- Known For: Being a child star, and part of the most quotable movie in history MeanGirls.
- Spiral Highlights: Failed drugs tests, a couple of days in real life jail, and lots and lots of rehab.
- Conclusion: fame has clearly had the same effect on her status as crystal meth, if one of meth’s features was that the only place you could smoke it was the top of Buckingham Palace with a massive neon sign saying your name and dress size.
- Known For: Shedding her Hannah Montana-shaped skin and writing some very catchy songs.
- Spiral Highlights: Kissing a girl? Cutting her hair? Twerking? Lighting a ‘funny cigarette’ on stage in a country where that’s perfectly legal?
- Conclusion: Okay, so I may be missing something crucial here, but is Cyrus on a downfall, or is she just making some really intelligent career moves which ensure that she can leave the Disney image she grew up with and allows her to make the music she wants to make… Hannah Who??
Artwork By Charlotte Espley – charlotteespley.tumblr.com